STUFF Vol.5
Why are these things so hard to begin anyway?
The Nintendo Wii launch. Sure, those of us here in North America remember it clearly as I type this, but in case we forget some of the details over the years or somebody not paying attention still wishes to know the specifics, well, go elsewhere. That's been documented to death and going into details over the events of 11/19/06 are about as appealing as ripping the large blisters firmly grafted to my left heel also present as I type this. To bottom line it, though:
Yeah. Says a thousand words, dunnit?
In Europe, though, things were done with considerably more class.
Actually, change that. For all I know, the Wii controller outfit man could be European. I don't know how prevalent bird-flicking is over there. In England, I know they have other, if not equally stupid, gestures of vague negative expression. Plus, this timepiece is the only remotely classy item I've found that has anything to do with the Euro Wii launch. Otherwise, it was still little else than nerds standing outside for hours in some pretty dank-ass weather.
But I digress. I was actually going to make this feature about Wii-related collectables in general, and then just stuff about the Wii launch (there was even a t-shirt made commemorating standing in line in Times Square), but I kept losing those auctions and just lost the urge to pick them up. Probably for the best considering now I won't be tempted to focus attention away from this gnarly wristwatch in favor of a few Wii Play stickers and a Wii-themed lanyard ravaged by the teeth of some semi-jock, semi-literate Gamestop employee.
Because, man, this thing deserves an entire Stuff page dedicated to it. This is going to be loaded with references to my previous watch-related feature, found here, so familiarize yourself for optimal appreciation.
First of all, gaze upon the outer casing of the Wii watch, and it's pretty cool: a simple and dignified white cardboard box with grey lettering (these be system's colors) that's small (roughly the size of the palm of my normal-sized man hand) and sturdy. The Wii logo is all good, but I'd have chosen a different slogan than "The countdown to Wii begins..." even if it does makes sense considering it keeps track of time and all. Mine has a few scuff marks on it and a couple minor scratches. The scuff marks were there since I first gained possession of it, and the scratchings, why don't I just point the finger at global warming for that. A victim powerless to react if there ever was one!
In the case there is another case, this one black, made of plastic, even sturdier than the cardboard exposed to the world. This one snaps open from the top. For some reason, I had visions of futuristic cars when looking at this thing. No matter, this thing has a countenance of pure class whereas the outer box was cool. If anything, it's too classy. Holding this in my hand made me feel underdressed and uncultured.
If this wasn't decadent enough, this thing even sits on a nice little pillow, something not enjoyed by substantial numbers of the world's people. This whole getup feels like it belongs in some super-vanity downtown jewelry store for rich idiots rather than at some game-related function for nerd idiots.
The actual watch face itself is the crown jewel of the item. Now I don't know a whole helluva lot about watch style. In fact, I have really no idea as to what matches well with what clothes with what hair styles at what times of the year for what occasion. Chances are, though, I'm going to reckon that if this kind of stuff occupies your time, which I can admittedly think of more fruitless ways to spend it (most of them involve writing about Wii watches), this kind of thing isn't going to be in your possession.
It cannot be denied: this thing's stylin'. It looks nice even to the non-video game fan. This thing will probably help (kind of minimally, admittedly) get you laid, assuming the honey doesn't spot that 'Wii' lettering on the watch. It's pretty small and well-hidden, and if a woman is looking this closely, she's probably not playing with a full deck and just assume she's chock full of VD you feel even better when she bolts. Whereas the Asteroids watch was clunky and awkward until viewed from very close by a fan of the game (during which time it became completely rockin'), this baby's a beaut regardless of the angle and the eye (unless you'd rather not willingly associate with somebody so into the Wii they get a high-end timepiece for no apparent reason other than its affiliation with the Nintendo console - an understandable feeling).
Only problem I have is with the strap. No, it looks fine, just a cascade of metal blocks. Precisely halfway between 'neato' and 'bland'. I do have a problem with the way it fits. This is one of those classier hinge dealies, see.
Whereas the Asteroids watch allowed the possessor to poke at it through holes to adjust the size, this one is really one size fits all. And this size is simply too small for me. My wrists aren't exactly the hugest, either, it's my biceps that are quite gargantuan. Wearing it properly makes it way too tight and cuts off the blood to some organs I sometimes use. I guess Nintendo assumed only really skinny or really fat people played their games.
I could leave it unhinged, but I'm not desperate enough to let others know of my adulation for the Wii to look and feel this ridiculous. Also, on the reverse side of the actual timepiece itself, there is no piece of plastic protecting the 'stainless steel waterproof to 5 ATM' surface like the Asteroids watch has, but whatev.
Supposedly, only 200 of these babies were pumped out, and that's nearing NWC cart-type rarity numbers. I believe this thing costed $260+$15 for shipping. I bought this I believe in December while Buy it Now prices were about $100 more. I saw one for about $325 shipped (US dollars) now, but I'm not seeing that many. If you're a nerd, buy this. I reckon the price going up. Who needs rent or food or any other so-called "essential" when you're got this much style to spare? Yes, this nullifies that dorky "Know your Mushrooms" shirt of yours. Now you understand the predicament of so many who live and die by their gym shoes and bling.