STUFF Vol.2
Ok, so the first Final Fantasy. Yeah, I like this game. Alot. Quite a bit, in fact. More than I probably should. Yes, I know it has some hideous flaws, but I don't care. If only more suicide committers shared my memories of Final Fantasy, they would have surely been around long enough to post some sad poetry on Myspace or Livejournal just before making the ultimate commitment. What did you think I was going to say, this game has the power stop suicides or something?
And from a collectors' standpoint, there is little not ass-rocking about the NES Final Fantasy. For one, the game nets at least triple that of the average NES cart in dollars in spite of not being rare at all. Secondly, the game came packed with all sorts off goodies you just don't get anymore: a lengthy "Explorer's Handbook" that was both informative and a joy to read (admittedly in kind of an ironic way) and a couple of pack-in poster maps chock full of useful information (including one that completely guided you through the game).
There's also Nintendo Power's (in?)famous strategy guide for the game released back in the fall of 1990, way back when they did that sort of thing. I actually envision myself writing about that thing in the future, so let's not tarry about on the guide for any longer than this paragraph.
There are all great things to have, no doubt, but all just make me scream, pardon my stupidity, "Weaksauce". Actually probably just "Weak" since I cannot ever think of a non-extreme circumstance that would ever compel me to yell something so self-face-punch worthy. What might cause this great lapse in rationality, you ask?
Yes, this bad boy. Gaze upon it and quake, err QAKE. Just be careful not to drool because man I wouldn't want to kill anybody over no sign. The picture just doesn't do it justice. Actually, it kind of does: it's blurry not only because of inferior still-image taking equipment, but also because of the gloss that adorns it. Let's just analyze this bad boy head to toe shall we.
This is basically the Final Fantasy box art made ass-kicking, but it was already pretty ass-kicking before, this just kicks higher. Like a cheerleader or a karate woman. I guess that would make it face-kicking, or back-of-the-head-kicking if we're still in the posterior. The name of the game adorns the top, but instead of proceeding in the straight line as it does on the box, it hugs the imagery just a little. What's great about the title is that it's foil stamped. Granted, this is old hat by now, but in 1990, foil stampping was like the blast-processing in 1991. Actually, the whole thing is foil-stamped, but it just seems to rock harder with in the words.
Next comes the image, and what an image it is: it's simple but definitely cool. The weapons displayed, and axe and sword aren't particularly fancy and one can easily question the choices here: they look like middle-grade weapons at best and there are only three axes in the whole game, none of which are essential or particularly useful (although the Light Axe gives the holder free uses of HRM2). The sword, I'll assume is the Silver Sword, probably the best weapon in the game, best meaning the weapon swung more times than any other.
The ORB in the middle getting the attention is the centrifugal aspect of the game's delightfully terse plotline. In it is the Sky Castle, a rockin' choice if I say so myself. It is a part of the image that commands and deserves our attention.
The blue arrow there talks of how the game comes with that neat collector stuff mentioned in a previous paragraph. Of course the ever-present Nintendo logo and Seal of Quality also make appearances on the sign.
Really pushing this piece of gaming history over the top are the additions that weren't on the FFI box. First, there's the message at the bottom, also foil-stamped, "ARE YOU GOOD ENOUGH". Even though interrogatory in nature, the lack of a question mark implies otherwise, and I'd reckon it implies you're not. The sign is challenging you. You're not a shit-talking pussy are you? Then step up to the plate. Just so we know it's serious, it appears to be in some kind of plaque, written in stone if you will. The whole written in stone-challenge connection is pertinent because many a modern Final Fantasy fan complains about this game's relatively high levels of difficulty more or less proving that the challenge is indeed forever.
Also pushing this thing to greatness is the glossy finish. Yeah, I know I touched upon it earlier, but consider this: I paid I think it was $161 shipped for this thing from ebay user roastbeastmusic. A fortnight later, I hadn't yet received it, and multiple attempts to contact the seller proved fruitless. I wanna say his feedback profile was spotless at the time, but don't quote me on that, and I was ready to let him have it. The item came as I as ready to give him a negative feedback rating. All I needed to do was push the "Rate seller" button and I was set. The item came just before I sent it. Okay, it arrived, but this merits a neutral at best rating.
And then I saw the gloss.
Roastbeastmusic didn't mention this in the item description. What a glorious gloss it is! Worthy of an ice rink, for sure. I quickly abandoned my hostile feelings toward the seller and changed my rating to positive. I didn't completely forget about his punk-ass selling tendencies, but his streak of pluses went on.
Often when I make such an acquisition, I usually enter "what the hell did I just do" phase, sometimes just as the transaction ends. Am I a sucker for having plunked what was then a full week's pay for a silly piece of cardboard, an advertisement no less, one of the premiere symbols of cultural degradation? Only a sucker would think so.