ArkFullofSorrow.  Yes, ArkFullofSorrow.
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Hopeful #4 - Theresa

Below is an example of one superior dance-based cheerleader tryout and one inferior. The one to the left is Tracie Guenette trying out for the New England Patriots cheer squad several years ago. The one on the right is Theresa from California trying out to join the Midway cheer squad. Both are jockeying for similar positions. Let’s let the pictures and captions to the talking.

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Tracie states her name and her place. She has been preparing for this event for quite some time, and it shows: her hair looks nice, her outfit has the dual purpose of being showgirl and athletic wear, she’s got an amazing tanned body and a huge genuine smile to top it all off. The camera, while sufficient, is probably placed a tad far back as it captures too much of the offstage setting on the left hand side of the screen. The images here are bogged down because their conversion to JPEG really don’t wanna cooperate.

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Tracie displays amazing vigor, flexibility, hip flexor strength and equilibrium as she performs 16 successive, excellent high kicks and the splits with equal mastery.

  43% Progress
Ms. Guenette begins a confident, energetic, skillful dance routine she took the time and effort to memorize.

  68% Progress
Tracie performs a pirouette as she hovers a few inches off the ground

  83% Progress
Tracie performs an athletically impressive leap.

  98% Progress
Miss Guenette completes her routine to thunderous applause from an encouraging, yet competitive throng of New England Patriots Cheerleader hopefuls. She stands in the same ladylike pose she started and awaits for the judges to tally her performance. She stands proud, but remains modest at the outpouring from her comrades as she’s able to keep her chin up, but unable to mitigate the blush from reaching her face.

 

 1% progress
No introduction from Theresa. She probably has nothing to say on the topic of the Slugfest cheerleader search: she probably saw a throng of left-footed dancers shaking away to Nelly’s “Hot in Here” and decided it would be fun to show them all up with that semester of dance she took in high school. The setting here looks like it was slapped together really hastily. Along with Theresa, the camera catches a couple of concerned parents watching their daughters likely attempting to and failing to sultrily shake to a stripper-inspired anthem as well as at least one scruffy set worker who obviously just wants to go home.

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Theresa displays an unimpressive, generic series of ambiguous bodily wiggles. Performs, or attempts to perform some kind of bodily gyration. Reckon somebody should tell her such moves are hard to appreciate when the dancer is as closed as she. Also, the camera angle shifts 90 degrees for some reason.

43% Progress
Theresa continues her random body wiggles, and the camera is still acting funny.

  68% Progress
The camera finally recovers as Theresa takes a brief break from all that odd torso quivering to take a few steps backwards

  83% Progress
The camera’s zoom closes in on Theresa as she smiles, says “Woooo” and makes motions as if an invisible hula hoop was circulating around her waist.

  98% Progress
A voice on a PA temporarily obscures the tune in the background, saying something about Midway Sports. “So I’m here for that??” is the likely most common reaction among the girls dancing. Nonetheless, Theresa keeps shaking as if her moves have been inspired by nothing other than the Soul Train. To conclude, she raises what are ostensibly to be heavy metal devil salutes, and her clip concludes with her shaking her waist as she did throughout the clip.

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