If you pause it on a random frame, it looks like she's passionately killing time on the Senate floor in order to prevent civil rights measures from progressing through our system and to keep the white race pure. And she's from Illinois.  Arlington Heights, to be specific.  This is dangerously close to where I live, meaning there's a non-negligible chance she'll move to my voting district to run for office as a Dixiecrat or under the States Rights party. Sia, um, dances.

Hopeful #24 - Sia

Holy shit. Where to begin with this one. First she tells us her name “I’m Sia (Darmos)!” She then raises her hands from her hips and slaps them and stands there for a few seconds, costing all a few thousand kbs. Not exactly flexing those brain muscles to start.

She is then asked by a male voice (who I will assume is the provider of the sub-mediocre camera work) why she should strut her stuff for this dingy game series and she says a wide array of hilarious adjectives and adverbs describing her merits as a party starter of sorts (read: she was 'that drunk chick' at college parties). She then does a corny, improvised, unimpressive cheer that largely consists of her hopping repeatedly. She then takes about ten seconds, more than any other girl, to thank the awestruck hordes of cyberspace. Quite grateful of her, actually.

This next point is so outstanding and obvious, and I feel silly mentioning it specially, but I wouldn’t be doing my job as game journalist innovator if I let it go unmentioned: Sia ain’t wearing no bra. I’m pretty sure a few dorky IGNers had (their first?) sexual experiences at the sight of seeing real life, fully developed nipple through only one layer of clothing. And the fact she thanks the downloaders so passionately made it seem like she was giving the puberty-bound electorate a private 25 cent peep show.

I did not want to like Sia’s performance, but it had pretty much everything I look for, I have pretty much no choice but to give her a slot in the top five. She was more than willing to don quite revealing clothes and she is confident as hell in her ability to electrify a room (rightfully so - she has more energy than a Texas electric chair unit). Her passion cannot be questioned - she wants this opportunity. Although I doubt she’ll be able to conversate about video games too well, she is fully aware of the existence of the Slugfest franchise. Granted, she would look awfully stupid dancing like that on an E3 stage, the average attendee would probably care less as long as she was wearing, at most, exactly what she wore in this video.

After seeing video after video of girls who were pretty shy, unenergetic or embarrassed, it was refreshing to see somebody this cheerleadery even if she did have to resort to cheap tactics, and her rise to the top of this competition only shakes my confidence in the system’s democratic oligarchy only as much as her underprotected breasts shake.

P.S. Apparently, somebody benefited from this escapade.