I know we've all read more about the three terrible titans of the N64 and their greatness than the current Pope has about Jesus. Yeah, Super Mario 64 this, Goldeneye that, Ocarina of Time other, blah blah blah. We've all read numerous pretentious love letters written by high profile game journalists about how we're supposed to feel about these games, and about how much we suck if we do not feel as they feel.

Well this thing looks pretty badass.

But the fact of the matter is that all three of these games seriously shook things up in the gaming world. Mario 64 set the standard for the 3D platformer, a standard contested as scarcely as precious metals are found, a standard matched as rarely good Brittney Spears choices in husbands. Goldeneye proved there were goals to the first person shooter beyond shooting everything that moves. While it is probably responsible for adding that wretched "thinking man's FPS" phrase into our vocabularies, the sheer depth in gameplay more than makes up for it. Ocarina of Time set the standard for the 3D adventure, one that is challenged only by its progeny.

These moments in gaming are particularly significant because some of the last true breakthroughs in gaming came on the N64. While arguments can be made for games like Ultima Online, DDR, GTAIII, Jet Grind Radio, and Half-Life, none of these games have broken the same ground the N64 trio has.  Okay, maybe this is exaggeration, but in an area where high-powered bloggers are quick to declare some hyper-masculine schlock-violence jaunt as nu-game of the decade, I kind of begin to fondly remember the days when innovation didn't simply mean having more detailed hair.

I wager the N64 garnished the top spot on that G4 countdown because of those all-time greats alone. And they do by themselves justify a purchase of this system. However, in the exact words of respected sociologist professor Highfalutin Ivorytower Marxist (emphasis mine):

"Mankind has been in a tizzy to defeat to evil white man since he's been evil, which is always... Although I am white, I guess, I am not evil, and am the only white person who is not... Hopefully, the world's enlightened true peoples, all of darker hues can finally one day and kill the white race... When I say kill the white race, I mean every Caucasian person ever, not just its social and institutional constructions... We will truly be a civilized people when the heads of all the white people are on sticks plowed into our lawns... When all goes good, class will no longer exist, neither will capitalism, and the state, ruled by me and my ancestors, who will be white, because I just can't get it up with a darkie will be all-powerful... Thus, unless it is led by myself, meaningful moments come not from the leaders, but from the workers behind them, for without that supporting cast, their alleged greatness ceases."

What makes a gamer fondly reminisce about the N64 is not likely going to be one of the three graets discussed earlier. Great as they were, they were all mainstream enough to be enjoyed, or at least heard of, by the people who punked them around in high school. An intelligent, reasonable gamer will want to think about the lesser known players in the N64 game, one with memories that will be minimally associated with ass-kicking and toilet flushies.

The N64 has a broad bevy of those games. Lots, actually. It's hard to know where to begin. I suppose I'll start with perhaps the most obvious one, Majora's Mask. While these days, Zelda 64 Gaiden is kind of a lost player in the Zelda family. People seem to talk much more about the said mega millionaire superstar (Ocarina), the bold and pioneering eldest child (Legend of Zelda), the bastard (Zelda II), the athletic straight-A popular kid (Link to the Past), the sub-humanoid inbred experiments (CD-I games), the artsy kid who seems to get all the girls (Wind Waker) and the 16-month overdue 55-pound humgoid golden fetus (Twilight Princess). The only ones talked about less than Majora's Mask are the portable Zeldas, and possibly Four Swords, and many people don't even consider those true Zeldas.

But for the sake of not wanting the re-ride the Majora's Mask hype train, one that traveled for nearly the entire time between the release of Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, I'll just put my stamp of recommendation on it. The other game of an adventurous nature with the Nintendo name and another must play designation is Paper Mario. While a tad on the easy side and not as original as Super Mario RPG, its unique world and gameplay are more than enough to keep a non-idiot entertained.

This is the only time you can honestly say that 100% of a system's true stateside-released RPGs were good.

Also on the RPG side is Ogre Battle 64. I wasn't really feelin' the first Ogre Battle title for the SNES. It was just too unpolished and clunky for my tastes. Ogre Battle 64 worked out those kinks and then some.  I don't understand why this critical darling barely rattled any cages when it first came out or why it didn't inspire more elaborate odes from the 'wish I was a professional game journalist' blogs out there. I'm guessing the answer to both questions is that it's an N64 game - RPGers didn't too much care for this big fish in a small pond, a pond not big enough to be worth the price required to purchase it, and said bloggers are as racist against the N64 as professor Highfallutin Ivorytower Marxist is against whites.

I've never really understood the mass appeal of Excitebike. Yeah, it's a cute 'n quirky old-timey racer, but all its charm seems to stem from the fact it's older than the planet itself. Excitebike 64, though, has nearly all the delightful lightheartedness of its black-boxed NES elder plus equal amounts of substance. I don't think it's an overestimation to say that Excitebike 64:bike racers::Gran Turismo:car racers. Of course, there aren't a whole helluva lotta good bike racers, nor are there a whole helluva lotta good car racers, and, hell, there aren't even a whole helluva good racers period. Just don't forget about this son of a bitch.

Tetrisphere, inexplicably and inexcusably, fell off the gaming radar soon after it was released. I don't really see why - it was actual innovation in a genre that has seen none since Tetris Attack, and levels of innovation that the genre has not reached seen since. Moreover, it has the best soundtrack of any kind ever, pretty much. Bold statement, yes. It might not be right, but there it is. The only drawback is that it doesn't continue the Tetris saga of offering a mode of unlimited play. And to think this gem was originally a Jaguar (CD?) project called Phear. Well that's another drawback, I guess.

Also on the puzzly front is Wetrix, that water-filling game. Loved it, except all those bombs really dampen the experience. Damnit, I just made a Wetrix/water pun. I hope nobody is reading this. But yeah, one of the thrills of any game as influenced by Tetris as this one is the possibility of a marathon type game, and if powerful bombs are coming at you two at a time every couple minutes, that makes this exceedingly difficult.

The N64 also marks the beginning of Mario's humiliating descent into prostitution. As his adventures were lessening in frequency, and as those around him were going broke (see: the Big N was running low on cash and ideas), he needed to doing something to pay the bills. So he did what any self-respecting superstar would do: sell his body to random passerby. And when I say sell his body, I mean star or cameo in a series of sports and fighting roles, each less memorable than the last. Because these were the first such attempts, they were great. Mario Golf and Mario Tennis provided to be just what the doctor ordered: infuse a couple of the most boring sports with that Mario pizzazz. They were hardly realistic so that those who don't pay attention to either sport (see: normal people) might be interested, but not so ridiculous as to bear no likeness to the sports they would interpret. Too bad this NBA-Jam inspired ploy would get old when the next generation came around.

There are a plethora of other worthy backups in the N64's library. It got respectable versions of Starcraft and NFL Blitz. The same can be said for its Tony Hawk's games. Beetle Adventure Racing sticks out like Trent Lott at the Million Man March in the N64's host of racers. Space Station Silicon Valley showed us drugs and game design can indeed mix to make something great. It probably got a rockin' version of Rayman 2. 1080 Snowboarding is as fresh the driven snow. It pretty much invented the modern party-designated game with Mario Party (for which the series has more or less had a monopoly considering it's released yearly). I reckon I'll enjoy Mystical Ninja: Goemon if/when I get around to it. I bet Harvest Moon 64 kicks as well, if you're into that sort of thing. There also others, I reckon, but that's just what I can recall right now.

Unlike Nintendo's previous hardware endeavors, they did not attempt to squeeze every last dime out of the N64 into the next console generation. In fact, between early 2001 and the Gamecube's launch in November of that year, N64 titles averaged about two releases per month for the first half of that span, and nothing between May and mid November except Tony Hawk 2. Only one stateside release truly overlapped into the next generation, Tony Hawk 3.

This game, not so much. Actually, I don't know, it could rock harder than Coldplay for all I know, I'm not one of the five people who have tried it.

But we all know quality is greater than quantity, right? Usually, after a system has been around for five years like the N64 was in 2001, developers know as much about developing for that system as well as a chronically uppity ho knows the back of her pimp's hand. We therefore have some of the most impressive, on a technical level at least, releases comprising of a system's swan song. Well the final crop fails here as well. Aidyn Chronicles (a game I actually kind of liked)? Mario Party 3? Dr. Mario 64? Polaris SnoCross? I admittedly have never played the last one, but I'll just assume it reeks. This is not exactly a triumphant much into a sunset, but a cowardly shaking of the white flag. And everybody knew it. Rather than subjecting gamers to another year of this crap, they pulled the plugs and decided to rely on Pokemon to keep them afloat.