Action 52: The Feature

From the 95 Theses of Screenshots

42. Screenshots are to be taught if it takes a person of mediocre or better mental capability longer than 2.5 seconds to figure out the general idea of the action(s) partaken thereon, it will have failed as a screenshot lest the source material be to blame;

43. If the source material is to blame, screenshots from them are to be taught to void their existence since the source is, for whatever reason, irrevocably shameful, for which no records of existence should persist.

Hey I thought the work of paratroopers involved, I don't know, a parachute. No matter what, Paratrooper brings us back to those games (in this collection) where you must run around collecting useless trinkets before proceeding. Kind of like Donkey Kong 64, but minus whatever fun, depth and challenge was found there.

It does have two interesting quirks... Well, in any other game, they would be annoying, but since they separate Paratrooper from the rest of the Action 52 crop, they're considered interesting. First of all, your character moves left and right about three times as fast as they move up and down. Rather, I should've emphasized the slow speed of the since the walking at the faster pace is pretty much like regular walking in another, greater game.

Once again, this speed difference isn't something I believe is found in any other game, and if whoever was responsible for it is a big enough asshole (if?), they could put 'entertainment industry innovator' on their resume and can arguably get away with it. Not so with the bumping noises made upon collision with a wall, this dubious phenomenon most notably a Dragon Warrior vestige. Again, if these jerks ever want to work in the game industry after this game, they could put 'game recreationist' or 'professional appreciator of game nostalgia' on their resume and land a job at Nintendo if the HR honchos are drunk enough. Not sure I'd trust these guys to clean bathrooms let alone in a position that utilizes their past experience.