Action 52: The Feature

Not that great of a title screen, but we have/will see worse (most of THAT coming from this collection)... That red ball bounces around the screen.

The monotonous (although not as much as many a tutorial) first level...

See those black cross tiles? They're the only way to get out of a bind such as this one. A major level design boner in this the second one. You can pretty much forget those marginally good things I said about Go Bonkers in the paragraphs to the right.

"Gee dur hur Go Bonkers is what you'll be doing when you play this game! Cuz it's so bad you GO BONKERS! Get it!! +1 A witty for me!"

I don't need to have viewed other Genesis Action 52 features to know this is the extent of most examinations of this game. But I mean really, just how is Go Bonkers?

Answer: This is the kind of crap that keeps the Genesis Action 52 off so many shit lists its NES elder tops. You see, Go Bonkers is a game about destroying bricks with a ball. Bricks of a certain color must be eliminated by a ball, which you control with the D-pad, of the same color. To change the color of the ball, certain stations need to be tapped by the ball. Ditto for miscellaneous panels like doors and keys. When all other panels are eliminated, the panels with green dots on them can be removed. Blocks with what appear to be hospital crosses are deadly to the touch.

Take a look at that paragraph up there. If I'd have tacked on a conclusion of some sort, it would receive an A from a grade school grammar teacher if they didn't mind a little potty mouth. With no game on the NES Action 52 can one form a full paragraph featuring naught but details pertinent to the game's gameplay without desperately tacking on excesses sentences, and such a practice would no doubt hurt your grade. Hell, this is more than you can say about the gameplay of many modern games. Hell, even the music's kinda funky. Compare this to the introduction to the NES Action 52 (Fire Breathers, essentially a more primitive version of Combat), and you might get the impression this Action 52 is looking comparatively like Super Mario All-Stars or The Orange Box. Of course, if you get your jollies by watching online writer-types sling verbal dung at helpless targets, relax, more such moments are coming as this is basically the only thing on the Genesis Action 52 for which this holds true.

It really is pretty interesting: two parts Arkanoid, one part Pac-Man, and yes, two parts classic Action 52. Yes, this is a very worthwhile concept, pretty original, even. No, not original in the Action 52 "must come to a complete stop before jumping" or "fire and left buttons don't work" sort of way. Legitimately original, albeit with obvious classic influences. Not only is this very playable, it's actually in the same zip code as enjoyable perhaps being more of a true Arkanoid sequel than Thunder and Lightning.

But let's not get delusional: Go Bonkers is on Action 52. Of course they found a way to fuck it up. This incredibly simple and accessible premise is ruined by terrible pacing: the first level is dully easy and facile as you'll spend over 2/3 of it waiting), but by the time level three rolls around, it becomes so meticulous and testy it's just not worth doing. Plus, if you ever come to an irrevocable bind, killing yourself to start anew is virtually impossible at times. Oh, and that funky music, fitting as it may be, will be just as likely to irritate as it is to groove.