Action 52 - th' Stuff

5) The Action 52 box. Pictured here is the front of it. The very top reminds you of the number of games found herein and its level of challenge (ultimate). Various quips about the ultimately challenging part coming not from the game's difficulty but from merely surviving them are to be inserted here. Moving on down we find the Active/Action seal of approval, more on this later. Next comes the crappy Action 52 logo, something even my elementary level photo editing skills can whip up in about 10 minutes. Then comes the biggest space-consumer, the drawing, consisting of presumably various characters found in this collection: a dragon (from Firebreather), a ninja (from Ninja Assault I think), the eponymous Action Gamemaster, some mechanical eye from God knows where, and a spaceship most probably from one of the kajillion space shooters in this collection. The fact I'm able to identify the probable origin of all these characters means I've spent way, way too much time indoors lately.

The rest of the front is filled with reasons you shouldn't buy this collection, and all lay across the bottom of the box below the drawing. In the bottom left corner, we have a reminder that although this game was intended for play on the NES, it is decidedly NOT licensed by Nintendo, a notice most unlicensed games seem to wear as a badge of honor instead of the shame and warning it indicates to most of those likely to see it.

In the middle, we have the fact the game was made in America, with a picture of the lower 48 United States giving the impression this is where the game is from and not a place like South America, which is still America. Action 52 marks for the point in time the US was furthest removed from gaming quality: basically exactly ten years prior to the release of this one, Americans stopped making worthwhile games. Not a worthwhile game would emerge from the states until almost exactly ten years after its release making it equidistant and therefore furthest removed from the worthwhile American gaming scene. Its claims of origins within the US can quickly be called into question since Active's headquarters are located in Bermuda, a country with even less to contribute to gaming during that said twenty year span. Action 52 could very well be the finest gaming creation to ever come out of Bermuda. A world in which Action 52 is the finest anything isn't world on which you should desire to live.

And in the bottom right corner, we have its suggest retail price, a proper discussion upon which has already been had.

A quick gander at the back of the box will reveal the fact we're getting 52 games in one, ALL of them, is really being drilled into our skulls. The backside's margins are the same as those of the sticker and manual, and we'll discuss those shortly, only here the way the characters are to be called nears each character's drawing.

In the center we get a taste of some the most droll product pushing ever attempted. I won't publish the whole thing, as that would be illegal, but I'm sure it would provide for more information and entertainment than I could ever hope to bring. I will, though, say that three words into the first sentence, the phrase "New and Original" appears just like that in quotes to give the impression that whoever responsible failed at just about every they've done, especially English (no special capitalizations). Yes, it really does appear in quotes as if somebody on the Internet was writing about it in a condescending, mocking sort of way. I can assure you the rest of the message is every bit as hilarious, incoherent and all together impossible to take seriously as this. You also get this stuff in five other languages so that others in places like Honduras and the Congo can also revel in its sheer ridiculousness. Of course, this message might make perfect sense in one of these languages bringing to light the real preferred language of whoever slapped this thing together.

6) The sleeve for the Action 52 cart. If not for this whole 'introduce each item with a subject-only sentence' bit, I'd have a delicious segue going on here (the common link being incoherency). On it we have two messages, of sorts: Action and Seal of Quality Assurance. This has got to be the most grammatically depressing, aesthetically boring (yes, much more boring than the old Nintendo seal) seal of quality ever. As a seal of quality, it is my nomination for the least effective ever as it has the complete reverse effect: if you ripped open the game and found one of these things emblazoned on the game's protector, unbeknownst to the smaller assurances found elsewhere, it would probably shatter all confidence you had in this game/company and set a bad tone for the experience itself. Of course, a bad tone need not be set in order for this experience to be one of great trauma, but you get the idea.

7) Action 52 sticker. You don't get this stuff anymore packed in with your games. Of course, giving away a free sticker with your games these days makes whatever game we're talking about a kiddie game, yet it's okay for

Stick this baby to the back of your car to remind various road warriors afoot you are in fact a bona fide Action 52 SURVIVOR.^TM

gaming companies to sell these stickers for five bucks a pop Of course, now that this is collectable and stuff, it now probably demands at least five dollars by itself. It cannot measure more than six square inches in area and the glue keeping it on its host paper has surprisingly not yet expired.

In the middle lies the Action 52 logo, but the borders have characters from some of the presumably better games from the collection. In the left column going downward, we have the eponymous Billy Bob, Hosain (from Storm Over Desert) and Apollo (from Action Gamemaster). On the right column from top to bottom we have Alfredo (from Alfredo and the Fetucini's - misspelled deliciously by Active), The Boss (from Boss) and Aries and Hercules (from Action Gamemaster). Nothing really to add here except for the extra piece of collectability this little thing adds to the already premium Action 52 package. Premium, that is, in collector's term.

8) The sheet rating the games found on "Action 52." Yes it really does put Action 52 in quotes like that. No, these aren't the cool honest ratings of quality any sane person would give the majority on this collection. Rather, these are parental ratings and suggestions. I, having played through pretty much every title here, can say there is nothing that separates one game from one age bracket (little kid) from another (teens) to another (adults). The selections are no less than 97% arbitrary. This is even more amusing in hindsight because every single one of these games today would be viewed by many modern gamers as childish tripe since, you know, people aren't either swearing, fucking, farting or eating other's inner organs at all times.

9) The reset sheet, for lack of a better term. On the one side, this sheet tells the reader that it's normal for your Action 52 cart to experience technical oddities upon insertion and activation. This is, according to this tiny slab of paper, because of the superior technology present in the Action 52 cart, something involving crossing regional differences (the ability to play the cart on a US NES, PAL NES and Famicom, and in Brazil too I guess which is admittedly reasonably neat). This whole technical peculiarity is actually fair common in many unlicensed NES games, but the fact somebody is explaining the commonality of this technical eccentricity is kind of funny.

On the other side of this sheet, it basically tells you how to reset the game WITHOUT HAVING TO PUSH THE RESET BUTTON in those exact words. You only have to take three more steps than a plan that would involve getting off your ass and pushing it yourself. No technical marvel is this as NES players have had the benefits of the soft reset for over a year before this. I'm not even sure this justifies the paper consumed to make it since most gamers would've found both of these things out o their own like I did. Then again, I'm kinda glad it's here since a) it boosts its collectability and b) I have it.

When I originally obtained this package, in, like January 2004 or something, I had paid a grand total of something like $85 from an ebay auction. At the time, I felt that was a little high, but I'm quite glad I bought it given that I've never seen a copy this complete floating around since then. These days, I see the versions out there I see are box and cart only and they push $100. If something like what I have here crosses your path in the real world, pay no more than $5, but if on the auction block, be prepared to shell out $120 or more.

And now, finally, on to the main event, or the first part of it.